Joke Resolution

Resolution 24601: On resolutions.


I once had the experience that that large number of resolutions were not necessarily necessary, especially considering the necessary consideration of the necessity of succinct and un-clumsy language be used in the preamble of all necessary NAGM resolutions including, but not limited to, resolutions and all relevant (and irrelevant) amendments to resolutions proposed by delegates, elected or not, who are from, or at least represent the apparent interests of the ACT region.

We find, by means of observation, that preambles of resolutions are often too long and overly technical in language. We, the defendants, believe that there is much to be gained by making resolutions more succinct and, in the spirit of the resolution which outlines the need for us, as an organisation, to use plain English (or French) in our documents so as not to alienate our membership, be they alien, French or otherwise.

Among our many observations, most of them irrelevant, we have also noticed a blatant disregard for other aspects of the language used, in particular, the length of sentences, the differentiation between words which also have mathematical definitions, such as differentiation – the process by which one computes the derivative of a function over the points for which it is continuous, and the over-use of commas.


In the interests of good cheese, we resolve that

1. From now on, the meter of sentences in resolutions be closely monitored and, if possible, and if necessary, be submitted in iambic pentameter or dactylic hexameter

2. In any given sentence no word or character length greater than 4 may be used more than once

3. When discussing resolutions in plenary, anyone who proposes an amendment to a resolution must sing it

4. If it rhymes, votes ‘for’ are doubled, if it is written by someone with a law degree or by anyone who has ANY intention of ever obtaining a law degree, votes ‘for’ shall be halved

5. If the number of the resolution is a prime, the state which proposed it must stand up and sing the hymn “Jerusalem” while standing in a tea chest every time the word ‘matresses’ is mentioned

6. If possible, resolutions should be drawn preferrably in 2B pencil. Where this is neither possible nor practical (but not both) at the very least, resolutions must be accompanied by music or an illustration

7. Is the number of days in the week

8. If a resolution cannot be read out without pause nor laughter within one minute, then it must be debated for a length of string (or time) not exceeding one minute.

9. If a resolution is submitted in French, unless it is in the form of a palindrome, it must be rejected. (i.e. “Gert I saw Rog, or was it Reg?”)

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