Sophie Muir

Sophie Muir recently made history by not only becoming the first Australian long track skater in 16 years, but is also the first ever female long track olympic speed skater. We’re pretty proud of her. But it takes more than just a pretty face to get into the olympics. Literally thousands of hours of work must be endured to extract the kind of performances required to even get here. As part of my contribution to this team, aside from just being another training partner, I am occasionally called on to help motivate the members of our squad. To this end, I put together a short video for Sophie to watch just before her olympic debut. And now that she has safely completed all her events at this games, I have posted it to youtube so that the world can appreciate the heights of corniness I reach, just to help extract a good performance out of an athlete. The song that can be heard in the background is “Quietly” by Air Castles, and the last few lines of poetry are from the poem “We Are More” which was read out as part of the opening ceremony.

gotta get that white balance right for Christmas...

Well what have we here, is it that time of year?
oh my, how time, it has flown!
so give us a smile, it’s been a long while
I hope as a person you’ve grown…

what me? I don’t know, I’ve got nothing to show
all I’ve done is skate round a little
but life it is such, I did not achieve much
except just to add to the riddle

who am I? the question, the answer eludes
what am I? another that puzzles
why am I? another, which often intrudes
and maketh my mind confuzzled

but this is the time, for parties and rhyme
not high-brow philosophizing
so raise us a toast, and be a good host
and get to the food scrutinizing

for I’ve had a good year, and it ends in good cheer
despite things not going to plan
but life must move forward, and all of us shore-ward
from the sea where troubles began

and forward we travel, on paths undiscovered
to greener pastures we tilt
take solace, take rest, make sure you’re recovered
from all the milk that was spil’t

who knows what will be, there’s no guarantee
but now we should all come together
for the season’s a ripe, to take a big swipe
at the booze, with birds of a feather

peace be to all, and answer the call
to bring it to all of mankind
and curb oppositions to lower emissions
for a better planet we’ll find

and when past recall, and to friends presents give
remember that most important of gifts
the love that we share, the true blood by which we live
has the power to break down walls, end wars, heal rifts

merry Christmas to the readers of danielyeow.com

“I was pushed” the left one said
“my colleagues and I, under pressure trapped
escape was easy, from underground I was led
more and more tunnels to fill a map
and out we burst to feed abundance”

The right one wasn’t quite so sure
“far more effort needed, to me extract
and though we look alike, I held greater allure
my drop quenching greater thirst to be exact
yes, we seem to be from different worlds”

Sure, drop to drop, they looked quite alike
though one was but a fleeting heartbeat older
and perhaps wiser too, coming after the spike
for the other, being the younger and bolder
recklessly cheapened and squandered its time

The younger drop, so energetic would give so much
that is, compared to what you gave to get some
but difficulties in getting the elder drop were such
that less would be got when you did the sum
but how important were just drops in an ocean?

This ocean is black like a starless night
and time separates these drops on either side
of a bell, they ascend to ring with all their might
to signal reaching the peak – the top of the ride
and the passengers: our economy, and civilization

it is lonely

i stare into the belly of the beast
column by column, only ribs, no guts
a sliver of silver slips ‘tween platforms
thunder shakes, rattles, screeches
passes without stopping

a light flickers
like a candle
a warm distant dream in the cold city
is it mine? I do not tempt fate
it grows, it glows, pupils dilate
struggling to swallow light

the thunder slows
screech, slow, clank, bang, beep
doors part, light beckons
a seat! glances dart, flick heads
go!, they whisper. I teeter on the brink
nods of approval push

is it mine?
which direction? which platform?
how can I be sure? sands shift
bodies move back and forth
but I stand fast
too slow

beep, my heart jumps
the seat is taken, i motion towards
doors close, heart sinks
why did I wait?, this is my train
this is my platform
no, it is not my train

slowly moves away
noise saturates the air
and stings my lungs
and draws a tear
it is gone

it is lonely

My application for photo editor of the Spec… that never made it (note: MB = Managing Board)

To MB or not to MB, that is the question,
whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous deadline,
or to raise eyepiece to eye, finger to shutter,
and by opposing, expose one. To die, to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep we mean we hang
out in the photo office ’till 4 am
’tis heart-ache and a thousand natural shocks
to deal with that we call “production” and lest
to give assignments out, and with a keen
associate to sort and choose, ’till pdf doth come.
To sleep, perchance to dream. Aye, there’s the rub:
If photo editor I become, no rest will I endure,
I shall, with charm and wit, use voice and accent
to enslave, nay – recruit an able staff;
and work, and work, and work to death – no! to sleep;
for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come.
I dream of spreads and such, above the fold
and media, of the multi-type to supplement the word
With sound and image, so powerful the message be,
must give us pause. There’s the respect.
And with such respect, command the ear of those
fellow members of the board, to see our light
and dark, the contrasts play in RAW and JPEG alike,
that makes calamity of so long life, so too
makes for good content, layout, and white balance.
And with fellow members of our board,
I’d bear the whips and scorns of time
as well as that of news editors
I’ll capture more than that which shutters see
the life and consciousness of campus walk
can, through my steely team and eye, roam free
the photos in the spec will be the talk
that passes ‘tween the stacks in butler and
make history, that will be the goal of our
photo team, to grunt and sweat under a weary life,
but that the dread of something after death;
the undiscovered country from whose bourne
no traveller returns.
The mind of the editor in chief puzzles the will,
and makes us rather bear those ill we have
than fly to others we know not of…
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
but not the photo staff under I, the editor
for when the time it comes, with finger perched
on shutter, the name of action, I won’t lose
I will the button press w’thout hesitation,
and all my resources use.

My feet finally returned to solid ground
from abstract worlds to which my maths had taken
me aloft and in many equations drowned

Relaxed anew, my mind it hath awakened
and to far-off lands I found my gaze renewed
my plans to travel, they could ne’er be shaken

So how to plan an epic? What to include?
so much there is to see and so much to do
so much of this choice would boil down to the mood

We start this in Mexico, to get a clue
on language, that is, to learn the Spanish tongue
or else we shall find our plans hard to pull through

In Guanajuato, short of breath, strained of lung
at Don Quijote we navigate our way
through verbs and nouns: language ladder’s first few rungs

After this, we trip through Mexico and stay
at some pretty ‘budget’ accommodation
all the while taking it all in, day by day

Highlands to lowlands, from station to station
we traversed the land, west to east by bus
then to Cuba with much anticipation

In Cuba things were different, it seemed to us
there was no hidden hand, à la Adam Smith
but now how to get around? by train? by bus?

No, a car we hired for the week and with
a sense of adventure we traversed the land
from town to town to find fact and dispel myth

As we drove, we gave to hitchikers a hand
and learned from them that Cuban life’s pretty tough
after this, to Venezuela we went, and

We had not enough time, so things were quite rough
but I was on a mission to come and see
the Angel Falls, and perhaps some other stuff

Following, we flew to the land of the free
the United States, ’twas but a short detour
from our Latin American travel-spree

The reason was that US unis would lure
my friend Nick and I into their hallowed halls
so we thought we’d visit, and receive a tour

Berkeley, Stanford, Caltech from the west coast calls
MIT, Harvard, Princeton rise in the east
and I to New York for Columbia’s walls

But Nick was accepted to them all, at least
and I was not, and sad was I for this fact
nevertheless, in New York I had a feast

But strange, just before I left, I had a smack
figuratively, of course, but still it shocked
me to find my application, still intact

And resubmitted – an M.A. to unlock
but I felt my chances were still very slim
and still the rest of my travels to concoct

Tired was I in Ecuador, on a whim
up to the equator I went to inspect
that red line that circles the globe – it was thin

To Peru, once again with Nick to connect
and so the long hike to Machu Picchu walk
and no walk in the park this, it needs respect

More than just a sight to see, one more to chalk
up on your list of places to travel to
the old Inca City lives up to the talk

Then, salt flats in Bolivia travelled through
to mines in Potosí where I felt quite ill
from the altitude, though it was nothing new

Through to Paraguay, through the Chaco to kill
my love of buses, for a fifty-hour
trip will make anybody’s guts want to spill

Not to mention the crazy girl who could sour
an already brutal transit through the heat
by hitting on me… all I did was cower

But Asuncion, Paraguay was pretty neat
for while there, I miraculously learned that
I was destined no more to accept defeat

‘Cause a place at Columbia for this brat
me, that is, was now on offer for a chance
to change the world, so to New York – where it’s at

So on to Iguazu falls I would then prance
in quite a deliriously joyous mood
while admiring the waterfall’s great expanse

Onwards to Rio, where some would dress quite lewd
for Carnival at least, and the beach so warm
and in Maracanã for a football feud

Then through Uruguay, the calm before the storm
it was May, and I was running out of time
so now a final plan I needed to form

Through Argentina and Chile, I would climb
at least one mountian, and a glacier see
and see how far south I dare travel this time

Of year, for winter approached and a degree
would be considered warm in some places here
so down I went, to Ushuaia the city

At the bottom of the world where I would fear
acute sea-sickness from all the boats I took
then northward went I, bigger mountains to near

Snow-capped cerros screamed adventure, begged a look
at three thousand seven hundred metres tall
Lanín would be the one written in my book

But alas, disaster struck and we would fall
short of the top due to inclement weather
the mountain, it knows how to make you feel small

Though we escaped, and lucky for our tether
of rope, but next through to Chile my bus went
where Nick and I would find ourselves together

But on one more adventure I was hell-bent
so in Coyhaique I flew a light aircraft
and lastly to Santiago – I was spent

We met and retold stories, we smiled and laughed
and marvelled that our trip’s months had numbered five
now set for home, to tell tales both smart and daft

So finally in Melbourne, we would arrive
but there was so much work that was to be done
if I was to have any chance to survive

My move to America, though it be fun
would be via skating world championships
so the pace of life, was still quite a brisk run

I had to pack up my home, pack up my scripts
and relocate my grand theatre of life
but without a clue, I would shoot from the hip

It surprised me, though, the emotional strife
that such a major life-changing move would bring
for this was not the first time in my short life

That I had moved like this, but nowhere to cling
to as home, yes – that’s the problem this instance
’cause home is where friends are – mine the world will fling

To its farthest corners, the greatest distance
and so my heart is flung, but I must hone in
on the making good of my small existence

So first, to Colombia to speedskate in
those darned championships where I have little hope
and in here, I witnessed one more deadly sin

Greed, it seems to touch us all so broad its scope
my laptop, camera, ipod some fool did steal
and sure was I of some athletes’ use of dope

Laptop’s loss was traumatic and hard to heal
but luckily’s New York is just the right place
to catch my breath, find my feet and keep it real

Semester starts, we must read at frantic pace
pity, for the campus has such scenery
but my uni work, I quickly did embrace

My research, location of much greenery
out of the city and upstate where we find
the heart of climate science machinery

But so much more on offer, we keep in mind
and so many new things in this place to learn
I must seize it all, lest I be left behind

But even our happiness takes time to earn
such life-shifting moves don’t come without a cost
to that intangible place – home, I oft yearn

Where is this place? I say, I do feel quite lost
in this big world, much of it I have explored
but my place in it, shrouded by winter frost

Though in this place, to mope, I cannot afford
I thank old frends, whose presence has been heaven
and new ones, and some like Cyrano adored

But now it’s finished, the hour reads eleven
’tis been quite a journey, more love and less hate
I bid goodbye to 2007
can I top this? Bring on 2008!

This poem was sent to the members of the cuai-board email listserv as a christmas card and may have been influenced by the alcohol that inevitably accompanies christmas gatherings.

To all my friends in amnesty
I write to you with festive cheer
for from semester, we are free
so closer still to your degree
but come with me, we’ll grab a beer

We’ll speak of great deeds done in aid
of human rights, the cause we follow
but let’s press on on this crusade
to make well sure we don’t evade
the truth, though it be hard to swallow

The world around us seems to fall
apart, it seems our cause is lost
but no, we must have hope I call
and bring ’bout change, however small
and worry not about the cost

For human rights is more than just
an out-there, leftie, social cause
you see, that isn’t quite the thrust
injustice, that is what we must
fight, so now we should take pause

To think about all that we do
and all those ones whom we assist
let their strong will inspire you
when next semester starts anew
we must go on, we must persist

For there is still much to be done
but don’t despair, there is still hope
we should not jest, but still have fun
to help just a little, is better than none
so keep up a smile, please don’t mope

But we shan’t forget the time of year
after all, it’s festive season
what better time, what better reason
to purge from mind, all of your fear
and raise your glass and toast to freedom!

To all my friends who with me share
The burden of this final act
I call you now, to come, to dare
And through this haze, this frosty air
To Schermerhorn to face the fact

That we are now but halfway done
Of this course, though more work still
There is to do, we must have fun
Beneath this forcing from the sun
And through the biting winter chill

But we are burdened with the mission
To solve the problems of this world
Oh! so young, with such ambition
But first we need a li’l revision
To know the direction Coriolis swirled

Back to your books! The chant will grow
To learn of words like “thermocline”
To understand the Ekman Flow
And watch the negative feedback slow
And lorentz attractors intertwine

So read about your land-sea breezes
And don’t forget the oscillation
Stay safe, stay warm, bless those sneezes
But keep in mind, those glacial freezes
…and thermohaline circulation

Once more unto the breach we go!
The big exam, our final test
come rain, hail, shine… or snow
I hope this verse will make you know
That you will give it your very best

I felt it was kind of strange being asked to give a speech for Andrew here today, I mean, I’ve only really known him for about two years. C’mon, hands up, who here has known Andrew for longer than I have? Yeah, I see quite a few hands, in fact, there’s hands all over the place. Its like a brothel on payday.

Wow, it doesn’t seem all that long ago that I was asking people to give speeches for my 21st, so to be asked to give a speech makes me feel… well… old. I mean, I’m 23 going on 50 and I look it. I certainly look old and wrinkled next to young Andrew who is, I must say, looking quite hot tonight.

I first encountered Andrew in the now infamous school maths olympics of 1999. While still in year 9, he captained a team which included a few people sitting here today to victory in the first ever schools maths olympics. This is all very well Daniel, you may say, but where do you come into this? Well, I happened to be captaining the team that came second, which incidentally also includes a few people sitting here.

So, even at this early age, Andrew’s cut-throat competitive edge was already starting to show. Mild-mannered and very hot he might seem in everyday situations, but when the real heat is on, his ‘dark side’ begins to show. Those of us who have played scrabble with him know only too well how he cheats by coming up with really good words and putting them across the triple word score squares.

In fact, he is so competitive, and he is such an avid perfectionist, that I sometimes get the impression that if he were to come out of a test and realise that he’s actually managed to lose a mark, that he might just start crying. This is a hypothesis which needs some testing, as it is a well-known fact that Andrew doesn’t lose marks in tests. Andrew is such a workaholic that he is to idleness as I am to tasteful comments.

Speaking of competitiveness, the mums AGM this year was a perfect example of this. Here I was, minding my own business, plotting to take over mums and Andrew rocks up and has the audacity to run against me. He won, of course. Bribing the first year uni high alumni with hentai must’ve done the trick, and in retrospect, I’m a little annoyed that I didn’t think of the idea first.

But every now and then, something happens that reminds Andrew that there is more to life than getting 100% or winning all the time… or being really really really ridiculously good looking. Like the time, just 11 days ago, when he was on a team that LOST the maths olympics. Not only did they loose, but they came third!!! I guess my questions were a little too difficult for you Andrew. Revenge is sweet.

But for all his ego-centric uber-competitiveness, and his fastidious workaholic nature, Andrew is a pretty cool guy. I mean, I’ve just stood here and harped on, doing what I usually do, which is accuse him of things which are mostly completely untrue just for shits and giggles, and he just takes it in his stride and laughs along, and looks very very hot.

Well Andrew, I guess this party is all about your ego and making you feel good about yourself. Choosing me to do a speech was a stroke of genius really. I am, in every way, your inferior. Your percentage average begins with a 9 while mine begins with a 4 (5 if you don’t count metric). You are the president of MUMS while I am just the lowly education officer. Your hentai collection dwarfs mine, who knows what else you might possess which dwarfs mine. And of course, you are certainly much hotter.

Oh Andrew when I speak to thee I feel
that your mental powers are unreal
you’ve shown us all more than mere
talent it takes to get to here

work, work and work given the chance
between classes, and before the dinner dance
but when will you stop and smell the roses?
in between photo shoots, ‘tween the poses?

live life to the full is all I say
lest you look back with dismay
on your life, its many rewards
and find you’ve just accumulated hordes

of stuff of which you hold no value
degrees, certificates, cash and what have you
savour every moment, every friend
because that’s what matters in the end

Andrew, it has not only been a pleasure to know you in these few short years, but is has also been a privilege. You are a good student, a good person and a great friend. Happy birthday.

620-311 Metric Spaces is a third-year mathematics subject at the University of Melbourne taught by Kris Wysocki. The Staff Student Liaison Committee (SSLC) conducts surveys and provides feedback to the department to help improve teaching. The report is typically read aloud to the class near the end of semester.

Question 1, oh what fun, I’ll try and keep this short
The average, it was two point five, its here in my report
I s’pose that means the pace of this subject is too quick
But not by much, no not at all, just slow it down a tick

Now question 2 posed the point, are lectures clear or not?
Many people ticked box three, how many? I forgot
But, in the end, three was the mean, when all was tallied up
So spot on Kris, keep it up with balls and inf and sup

Question 3, it was about the hardness of this stuff
And as in 1, the class all thought it was a little tough
The mean it was, when all was summed, a meagre two point six
So don’t fret Kris, you’re not far off, just a little bit to fix

So on we go to question 4, the tutes this was about
The av’rage, it was higher now, but don’t all stand and shout
‘twas only point one seven greater than the number three
that’s good I guess, it means the tutes are found useful-ly

So now to five we find out now, if you were stimulated
The answer’s ‘yes’, at least it seemed, when all was tabulated
A quarter and a four again did maketh up the mean
How int’resting I thought when I, this result did glean

Question 6, as we move on, sit tight we’re nearly there
This question asked us how much for the tutes we did prepare
Some said alot, some said not much, but most were quick to scribble
‘cause three’s the mean, so once again, we’re left right in the middle

So last we have question 7, but wait there’s more to come
This one begged us calculate our tute attendance sum
The mean on this, a little low, it came to two point four
But that’s not bad, considering there’d just been four before

Tutes that is, but now we end, on a funny note
There was no question 8 prescribed at least not one I wrote
But low behold there was a chap who managed such a feat
To answer “two” to question 8, for this comedic treat

So now, to sum and finalize, we’re going pretty swell
A little quick, a little hard, but int’resting as well
I hope you liked my short report, attached the numbers are
So if you’d like to see them all, come and see me.